Vapor Barrier Attire

Vapor Barrier Attire

We were two thirds through the ride. “Walker, it’s really raining now,” he said. Halsey is my friend, my only friend willing to begin a bike ride in the rain with me—on purpose.
“It’s getting dark and cold too. Let’s pull into this Haggen’s and get a coffee maybe a bite to eat,” I suggested. We had about ten miles to go back to the car.
Like a shot he swerved into the parking lot. We entered urgently, taking off dripping raingear, helmets, gloves, glasses, and the outer layer, a fleece in my case. Haagen’s was the first upscale grocery store in Bellingham. It had a nice eating area, a dining room really, with an associated deli, hot sandwiches, soup bar, hot pizza counter, salad bar, and Chinese hot table.
We chose a table for four and were setting up our laundry line on the two extra chairs. “We’re dripping wet,” I said.
“Yeah. It’s the rain gear paradox. Wear it and you’ll be wet. Its true function is to keep you warm while your wet. So I don’t put it on unless I anticipate getting cold…like when I stop.
“Agreed,” I say putting on my raincoat.
“Thanks for stopping. My body heat is good, no complaint on the rain gear and tights,” he said. “but my feet are really cold.”
“My feet are still pretty good. I’m using that vapor barrier system you told me about,” I said.
“I told you? When?”
“You were telling me about climbing boots with gortex vapor barrier between the foot and an insulated soc,”. I recalled.
“Right. It’s pricey though, twenty five bucks for the socks and thirty five for the liners,” he recalled.
“It is supposed to keep perspiration from wetting the top insulating liner, right?”
“Yep. But I’ve never seen them for bike shoes. So, where did you get them?”
“Right here, at Haggens…actually the Mount Vernon Haggens, at the check stand,” I said.
He looked at me quizzically. Then he grinned. “Plastic bags,” he said. “So that’s the crunchy sound you’re making…and the fat ankles.” He was looking at a little white plastic sticking barely visible above my left sock.
“Right,” I said. We sat down and started on our soup.
“The price is right,” he said and paused pensively. “So you put the bag right next to your skin and a thick sock on top?”
“I don’t like the plastic next no my skin, and I think a toenail would likely puncture the bag. So I put the bags over socks.”
“Then you put a thicker sock,” he said almost to himself. “But that can’t work today. We’re riding in the rain, so that outer sock gets wet every time you ride through a puddle.”
“I add a second bag…on the outside of the insulation layer to ward off the street water.”
He got up. “Do you want coffee?” he asked.
“Sure. I’ll come with you. I don’t speak Starbuck. You can interpret for me,” I said. He ordered a grande latte with an extra shot, hazelnut , added the nutmeg and cinnamon himself and an Americano for me.
“Those look like your same old bike shoes to me.” He said walking from the coffee stand to the check stand he got four plastic sacks from the grocery bagger.
“They are,” I said.
“Well, time out a second. Your outer layer is a sock. I can see it.”
I nod yes.
“That means you have three socks and two plastic bags. How can you get all that in a shoe?
“I use magic black socks – thin dress socks for both layers. One hundred percent nylon, or any kind of ‘—lon’. They thin. They wear like iron.”
“For the insulation layer too?”
“My theory is that if the insulation layer is dry a micro layer of air in a thin sock is enough.”
“We’re not mountain climbing, and it’s not even freezing outside,” he said. “I’ll try anything at this point.” He had taken off his shoes and socks and was wringing out the socks.
“Let’s put them on the hand dryer in the bathroom,” I said and he was off, barefooted.
When he returned with nearly dry socks, I said, “I have a sock that I use as a stuff sack for a raingear stuff sack. You can use it if you want.”
“Perfect. I can do the experiment. I’ll put just a dry sock on the right foot. On the left, I’ll put a bag next to skin, a dry sock, another bag, and your extra black sock.”
“Science in action,” I said as he got his shoes back on.
“You are out here with seven black dress socks. Tomorrow will you show up for work wearing your white sweat socks?”
“No, I’ve got a big stash of black dress socks,” I said as we left the store. I use the same system for skiing and hiking. Easy removal of neoprene is an added benefit for scuba and kayaking
Outside it was still raining and dusk. We were sharing the streets with a moderate amount of traffic going through the city of Bellingham, so we had to ride single file and it was too noisy to talk. About half way back to the car, Halsey pulled into a parking lot at Thrifty Foods.
“Just wait here a second. I’ll be right back,” he said.
In a couple of minutes he returned, “You guys with hair don’t understand. You lose 20% of your body heat from an uncovered head.” He had rolled down the edges of a plastic grocery sack and had put it on his head followed the thin nylon skull cap he wore under his helmet.
“I guess your right foot got cold.”
“Yep. There is no doubt. The “bagging” works.
“So your head is next,” I replied.
“Yep, I’m a head bagger now,” he said.
“I think you are on to something here. Stick a little gortex in it. It’ll sell.”
We just got in the car and drove, having removed only raingear and helmets. When we pulled up at my house, I said, “Come on in, I have to give you those photos that Jane needs.”
Pinky opened the door as we came up the steps. Halsey took of his cap. He had forgotten about the plastic sack, which had tilted slightly.
Pinky laughed. “I love what you’ve done with your hair.” She paused. “Oh, no. He’s got you wearing grocery bags – everywhere.” she continued. “You’re both walking around in grocery bags, ‘snap, crackle and pop’ ” She handed him a folder of photographs. “This is for Jane. She just called.”
“Am I in trouble yet?” he asked.
“No, I don’t think so. When she asks if you had fun, tell her you just got wet and cold. Everything will be fine.”
“With those black socks and plastic bags, we saved a hundred and twenty bucks today,” Halsey said.
“Right,” Pinky replied. “Everywhere we go he buys black socks. He keeps half the stuff he owns in a black sock. She turned and trotted back to the bedroom and came back with a black sock in each hand.
“This one has batteries, and this one has film and camera accessories. He has a sock for everything that goes in his fanny pack when we tour. He has a sock to keep his rain coat in the water bottle cage of his bike.”
“I tried it for my head at sundown,” said Halsey.
“Well I guess you two make a pair. Except that he is too lazy to select socks. He wants every sock in the drawer to match, ready to wear for: work, dress up, storage container, or play.”
“Lose a sock in the wash. No problem,” said Halsey.
“You’re as bad as he is,” she replied.
“Now he thinks it is some kind of contrarian’s fashion statement. It’s cool to look like you live under a bridge, I guess.”
“Well fashion is important.”
“And your theory breaks down. It turns out that black socks come in endless shades and patterns. Half of the time his socks don’t match, and it drives me nuts.”
“I see him almost every day at work, and I’ve never noticed.”
“I changed my mind. You’re going to be in trouble with Jane if you don’t get home right away,” she said.
“The World Famous Vapor Barrier Sports Cap was born today. You can say you were there,” he said starting his car.